cikko’s digest #01

 

“There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual

arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the

Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.”

– P.J. O’Rourke

“Whereas a woman longs for one man who can satisfy her many wants

and needs, a man longs for many women who can satisfy his one

need.”

– Jeff Stilson

*******************************************

A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs.

He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.

He asked her, “Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a

few minutes. I’ll explain why later.”

The nun agreed to his request.

Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running along and asked her

if she had seen a soldier running down the road.

She replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her

skirt and said. “I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see I

don’t want to go to Iraq.”

The nun said she understood.

The GI said, “I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but

you have the most beautiful pair of legs I’ve ever seen!”

The nun replied, “If you’d looked a little higher, you would

have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you’ve ever seen! I

don’t want to go to Iraq either!”

*****************************************

A fish is swimming about in a lake when it spots a fly flying

around about 12 inches above the water. The fish thinks to itself

“if only that fly would drop about 6 inches I would be able to

leap out of the water and have myself a nice lunch”.

At the side of the lake is a bear. The bear sees the fly and sees

the fish and it thinks to itself “if only that fly would drop

about 6 inches the fish would be able to leap out of the water I

could then reach the fish and have myself a nice lunch”.

Across the lake is a hunter. The hunter sees the fly, sees the

fish and sees the bear and he thinks to himself “if only that

fly would drop about 6 inches the fish would get the fly, the

bear would get the fish, come into range I could have myself a

good kill”.

Behind the hunter is a mouse. The mouse sees the fly, sees the

fish, sees the bear and sees the hunter and it thinks to itself

“if only that fly would drop six inches the fish would get the

fly, the bear would get the fish, the hunter would kill the bear

and the sandwich in his back pocket will fall out and I could

have myself a nice lunch”

Behind the mouse is a cat. The cat sees the fly, sees the fish,

sees the bear, sees the hunter and sees the mouse and it thinks

to itself “if only that fly would drop six inches the fish would

get the fly, the bear would get the fish, the hunter would kill

the bear and the mouse will get his sandwich, come into range and

I could have myself a nice lunch”

Just with that the fly drops six inches, the fish, gracefully,

leaps out of the water and gets the fly, the bear leaps forward

and grabs the fish, bang…the hunter moves forward and shoots

the bear, the mouse jumps forward and gets the sandwich, the cat

pounces forward, misses the cat and ends up in the lake.

What’s the moral to that story……….?

It takes a helluva lot of foreplay to get a pussy wet!

******************************************

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief

Mattea has all of his men accounted for except Olson and

Rosolino.

After a few minutes’ search, the chief looks down an alley, and

there’s Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to

his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Mattea says, “What the hell is going on?”

Olson says, “Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation.”

The chief says, “Smoke inhalation? You’re supposed to give him

mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!”

Olson says, “I did, Chief, but one thing led to another….”

****************************************************

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob

tells Luther,

“Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year

I’m gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took

your advice about where to go…

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and

Becky Sue got pregnant…

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas. I went to

the Bahamas and Becky Sue got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti. I went to Tahiti and darned if

Becky Sue didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s

different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Becky Sue with me.”

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About cikk0

I think I'm proper sane. A lot of people seem to think different. Oh well... Locate a brother on twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/cikk0

Posted on February 26, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Haha! I loved that becky sue the most!

  2. Very hilarious. Love ur blog 😀

  3. looool! love the one about Becky Sue best!

  4. luvly posts……….. u r thr bro jst keet d good job giggling

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