My Sense Of Humour…

Right. I promised more personal posts this year, no? This is one of such.

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I’m at least a lil’ funny no? No? Screw you to hell joo.
So my gist today is about my funny bone. Where did I get it from? What inspires me etc. Essentially, I’m giving y’all a heads up as to what my answers to Oprah’s questions will be. And yes that’s one of my many dreams.
(Trick had to end the series didn’t she?!)

Where to begin? Hmm. I was and am big. Now I’ve shrunk from like three or four years ago but I’m still pretty hefty. I studied a course called ‘Criminology’ in my fifth year as a law undergrad and my lecturer said that overweight people tend to be humorous. I didn’t hear why we tend to be that way but I can speak for myself.

It started out as a defence mechanism.

If you got picked on because of your weight as much as I did, this might resonate with you a bit more. One time, I went with my primary school classmates to an inter-school football tournament. I think we were the only ones to field actual primary school pupils. The rest of them used mercenaries. I’d rather believe that; because otherwise, it meant that we did suck donkey nuggets. And I refuse to believe that any soccer team starring “cikk0: The Great Footy Master of Our Time” could suck. Any which way, the least margin of defeat we suffered was 3-0. There was an 8-2 drubbing somewhere in there in fact.
Or was it 8-0? Bad memory. Blocked out.
Anyway, the whole point is that we went to CMS Grammar School for the tourney: I have never felt worse.

Hundreds of secondary school students hurling abuses and condescending laughter at you because you are big is not fun. I wept once actually. The second time we went there, I think. And from that day, I resolved that I would always have things to say in return. Nasty, funny things. To make my opponents laugh at even themselves. Things that’d cut to the bone. And all that jazz.
Of course I can talk about the name-calling forever but that line of discourse is depressing even me.

So yeah. I learned to fight back. For starters, I memorized all the ‘you mess’ jokes. You know, e.g. “U mess, Alfa do sign of cross”. Those types and all what not.

Another thing that made me funny-ish would be TV. Sitcoms especially. I’ve seen the ten seasons of “Friends” at least thrice. Minus the random episodes I watch from time to time just for trips. Like the one where Joey finds out Monica and Chandler have been doing it behind everyone’s back. Then there’s all kinds of British humour to love. From the days of “Allo Allo” to the more recent “Mrs. Brown’s Boys” I find the British to be redunculously funny. And it has impacted me dearly.

However, in the area of TV, special mention has to be given to Mr. Chuck Lorre. I can safely say I owe half my humour stylings to him. Never heard of him? He’s the creator/writer for the following shows: “Dharma and Greg,” “Mike and Molly,” “Two and a Half Men” and “The Big Bang Theory.”
I. Love. All. Those. Shows.
His over-the-top sexual jokes are a particular favourite. He always finds new ways to spin basic fart jokes. A lot of that creeps into my writing.

Then there’s genetics.

My Mom is a retard. Plain and simple. No, really. In the humour department, I’m just a less igbotic version of Mrs. J.C. Ogbuehi. She yabs my Dad till he goes: “you’re just a stupid woman you know…” She birthéd my fixation with my man-boobs. Growing up, she used to ask me what size of bra she should purchase for me at the market. Who does that??! And if she’s gisting you something, that sisteh can make you quite literally fall off your chair.

My cousin has a big head. She used to call him ‘isi stabilizer’ (isi = head) and back then, our stabilizer was one of those old Nulec stabs that were round and were coloured cream and brown. As if that was not enough trauma, she once asked him (with a straight face I might add) whether he could wear T-shirts and face caps. Like what???

Also, my friends. I’ve been fortunate to have been surrounded by tonnes of clowns over the years. In my freshman year, we were like a click of crazy people. We made jokes ALL day. We yabbed each other for the most part though. If I didn’t have a thick skin before then, I surely have one now.
A friend once told me that I was so fat, that when I died they’d only have to dig my grave four feet…cuz my weight would sink it down the remaining two! Cruel? I know, right!

So there. That’s all I could think of for now.

What has influenced your lifestyle in one capacity or the other?
See the comment box? Rock it!

Oh, and announcement: I am resting John Okro for now. I might just have created a new dude who I shall be test running next week. Hopefully, he’ll make sense. Hopefully…

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Posted on February 2, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. Lolz…I really love this even with the typos tho.

    I think my sense of humour is one part of me that has been gr8tly influenced too. Thanks to a bunch of friends I met on Facebook(guys to be precised), we hooked up and discovered we were all attending the same school….like seriously, we spent the rest of our days after school to yab and make fun of ourselves. I and my girlfriends use to be the bait cos we didn’t know wassup. Buh today, i think I’d say I’m proud cos I can always stand up for myself anytime when it comes to that. Whew!!! *End of Sermon*

  2. Had me laughing all through. I can testify that Mrs. Ogbuehi’s madness/humour is second only to her impeccable cooking. Gotta love that woman.

  3. “Can you wear t-shirts and face caps?”
    I think I just found my mother’s soul sister. My mum isn’t very funny though, but she says the weirdest things. They make so little sense, it’s hilarious.
    So… what bra size do you wear now? :-/

  4. Oh wow. I really like this.

    My mom is hilarious as hell. I mean, she can mimic anyone under the sun. 61 and still going strong, God bless her heart. We’re a team! 😀

  5. Lmfao…nice one,I believe I would love 2 meet ya mum. I’m proud 2 say I have thrown and received my own share of yabs at/from u

  6. Lmaoooooooooooooo!!!!!!! God I almost choked!
    I would love to meet ur mum I swear.

  7. CAN’T. BREATHE. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Your mom is too funny. ‘Isi stabilizer’? My sisters call me ‘Pa Ojuigo’ still cracks me up when ever they say it.

  8. your mum is hilarious and was ur cuzin’s head really that big O_O
    nice post as usual…….. nna wt size of bra are u on now? 😛

  9. THIS IS SO FUNNY!

    That dude should become a math teacher cos, 4 feet? MEAN!

    Since everyone is praising their mom, lemme join in…
    My mom is the most hilarious person on earth, and that is where I got my ‘sense of humour’ from. All your moms ain’t shit!

  10. Your mum is hilarious. People find my sarcasm hilarious so does that count as being funny? My father is the king of sarcasm. ..made grown men cry (to my eternal amusement).

  11. nice! blame it on d mama…fat chichi…lol!!

  12. LOOOOOOL

  13. Loooool! Oh chim,you cracked me up tonight but,there’s a lesson to be learnt.
    Never thought I had a funny bone till I eased up in uni. I don’t know where I get funny stuff from but God bless the inspiration 🙂
    And yeah,my mom has some mouth on her.

  14. Its midnight & I’m L-O-L-ing, my bro is thinking I’ve gone mad. Hmm….from what u say Im guessing ur mum yabs me when I’ve left the crib

  15. You got me laughing all through that piece. Easy read I must say, and your mum, well pardon me, but she’s one nutt case… “Isi-stabilizer” how on earth can one shake that? Oh, a picture of that your cousin wouldn’t be so bad. LOL

  16. I beg to differ with you Olawunmi. There are no typos in the post. Trust me, Cikk0 can confirm that I can say so. That said, I have awesomely talented friends! Great stuff bro!!!
    I love ur ma. The only thing mine taught me was hopeless and self destructive generosity!

  17. LOOOOOL. I can totally relate with using humour as a defensive mechanism cos I was a wee bit overweight back in secondary school. I remember when one of my friends told me my shirt was big enough to be used as a duvet. k. o’d

  18. Chris,The ‘fart’ one at it again! Bloody fabulous read. Started my morning off with a massive smile. Thanks! Onyi. P.s i beef you huge!

  19. Looool…d stabilizer part…kai for homes where d mums are d funny bone…I think its always fun in dere…laughed like…

  20. LMAO.. Hilarious… “T-shirt and Face caps” , “isi stabilizer”.. I wish my mum was as funny as yours. My mum is full of dry jokes/annoying ones. Nice post,Still laughing here…

  21. I think I developed my sense of humour from being picked on (and loved on occassionally) by my 2 big brothers. It was either I dealt with it or blended with the wall-paper.

  22. Seriously, dude you are sick. I have laughed so much that my boss is worried is i am alright.

  23. d 4 feet joke sha. See Yahb. Sick 1 C1kk0

  24. My folks aren’t funi. In fact, they cud be so incredibly unfunny. But my Sistahs? Them.

  25. I’m not funny, just incredibly foolish sometimes. Don’t think I got that from any of my parents though. Sometimes, I just choose not to think. Girls like it.
    Plus, I see what you did bro. 8-2. Why?? 😦

  26. Hahahahahahaha..I remember the CMS drubbings…

  27. I guess I’m 2 years late but i just had to comment! Don’t know why I didn’t discover your blog before now,Great stories! In my family,it’s sarcasm.everybody is downright sarcastic. Just last week,my mum complimented me on the pair of trousers I was wearing,just when I was smiling happily,she told me it didn’t look like a pyjamas at all!

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