My Sense Of Humour…
Right. I promised more personal posts this year, no? This is one of such.
I’m at least a lil’ funny no? No? Screw you to hell joo.
So my gist today is about my funny bone. Where did I get it from? What inspires me etc. Essentially, I’m giving y’all a heads up as to what my answers to Oprah’s questions will be. And yes that’s one of my many dreams.
(Trick had to end the series didn’t she?!)
Where to begin? Hmm. I was and am big. Now I’ve shrunk from like three or four years ago but I’m still pretty hefty. I studied a course called ‘Criminology’ in my fifth year as a law undergrad and my lecturer said that overweight people tend to be humorous. I didn’t hear why we tend to be that way but I can speak for myself.
It started out as a defence mechanism.
If you got picked on because of your weight as much as I did, this might resonate with you a bit more. One time, I went with my primary school classmates to an inter-school football tournament. I think we were the only ones to field actual primary school pupils. The rest of them used mercenaries. I’d rather believe that; because otherwise, it meant that we did suck donkey nuggets. And I refuse to believe that any soccer team starring “cikk0: The Great Footy Master of Our Time” could suck. Any which way, the least margin of defeat we suffered was 3-0. There was an 8-2 drubbing somewhere in there in fact.
Or was it 8-0? Bad memory. Blocked out.
Anyway, the whole point is that we went to CMS Grammar School for the tourney: I have never felt worse.
Hundreds of secondary school students hurling abuses and condescending laughter at you because you are big is not fun. I wept once actually. The second time we went there, I think. And from that day, I resolved that I would always have things to say in return. Nasty, funny things. To make my opponents laugh at even themselves. Things that’d cut to the bone. And all that jazz.
Of course I can talk about the name-calling forever but that line of discourse is depressing even me.
So yeah. I learned to fight back. For starters, I memorized all the ‘you mess’ jokes. You know, e.g. “U mess, Alfa do sign of cross”. Those types and all what not.
Another thing that made me funny-ish would be TV. Sitcoms especially. I’ve seen the ten seasons of “Friends” at least thrice. Minus the random episodes I watch from time to time just for trips. Like the one where Joey finds out Monica and Chandler have been doing it behind everyone’s back. Then there’s all kinds of British humour to love. From the days of “Allo Allo” to the more recent “Mrs. Brown’s Boys” I find the British to be redunculously funny. And it has impacted me dearly.
However, in the area of TV, special mention has to be given to Mr. Chuck Lorre. I can safely say I owe half my humour stylings to him. Never heard of him? He’s the creator/writer for the following shows: “Dharma and Greg,” “Mike and Molly,” “Two and a Half Men” and “The Big Bang Theory.”
I. Love. All. Those. Shows.
His over-the-top sexual jokes are a particular favourite. He always finds new ways to spin basic fart jokes. A lot of that creeps into my writing.
Then there’s genetics.
My Mom is a retard. Plain and simple. No, really. In the humour department, I’m just a less igbotic version of Mrs. J.C. Ogbuehi. She yabs my Dad till he goes: “you’re just a stupid woman you know…” She birthéd my fixation with my man-boobs. Growing up, she used to ask me what size of bra she should purchase for me at the market. Who does that??! And if she’s gisting you something, that sisteh can make you quite literally fall off your chair.
My cousin has a big head. She used to call him ‘isi stabilizer’ (isi = head) and back then, our stabilizer was one of those old Nulec stabs that were round and were coloured cream and brown. As if that was not enough trauma, she once asked him (with a straight face I might add) whether he could wear T-shirts and face caps. Like what???
Also, my friends. I’ve been fortunate to have been surrounded by tonnes of clowns over the years. In my freshman year, we were like a click of crazy people. We made jokes ALL day. We yabbed each other for the most part though. If I didn’t have a thick skin before then, I surely have one now.
A friend once told me that I was so fat, that when I died they’d only have to dig my grave four feet…cuz my weight would sink it down the remaining two! Cruel? I know, right!
So there. That’s all I could think of for now.
What has influenced your lifestyle in one capacity or the other?
See the comment box? Rock it!
Oh, and announcement: I am resting John Okro for now. I might just have created a new dude who I shall be test running next week. Hopefully, he’ll make sense. Hopefully…