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Football Is a Perv’s Game Because…

First up, I was really bored in Owerri after my brother’s nuptials when I typed this.
Secondly, if you steal this and pass it off as yours without giving me credit, all your kids will look me… And everyone will know why. And me that I’m now ugly. No really, don’t steal this without permission. I don’t like it. Simples.
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Football is really a perv’s game because…

10. The whole object is to score.

9. You have a bunch of men trying to get in the box

8. And a bunch of burly, defensive men trying to stop balls from getting in there…

7. The best scorers might not be good with their feet, but all is forgiven if their head is fantastic…

6. Guys, getting your balls in low and hard is good…

5. Ladies, being high and wiiiiide is not…

4. Like your Twitter dates, if you perform poorly, you will be subbed…

3. If you’re good at handling balls, you’re probably a ‘keeper.

2. It’s better to play on a wet, slick surface than a dry one. (Okay, that’s just nasty)

1. And lastly, like a lesbian will tell you, ball possession isn’t everything…

I may have been bored AND high. Sorry…

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